Leadership Lessons From My Mom Era
Children teach us a master class in leadership. I’m in my Mom Era and as a mother to a 4 year old and 1 year old, I can say that in many ways leading my kids is much more challenging than leading Soldiers on deployment or matrixed teams to carry out complex projects.
This is for two reasons. The first is that with kids you don’t get a break. At work you have time off. With kids, there is no break. The second reason is that explaining things to a child and motivating them to do things they don’t want to do is much more challenging. And sometimes you just have to take the L.
With all that in mind, here are 5 lessons that being a mom emphasized for me about leadership.
1. Control as a leader is an illusion.
You may have fed your 2 year old before your husband’s promotion ceremony and showed her all the cool helicopters, but there is nothing you or the colonel giving the speech can do when, when she walks up in the middle of the hangar and tells the audience she wants to go home.
Similarly, You may have been taught as a leader that you are responsible for everything your organization does or doesn’t do. And while it’s important to take responsibility for your team, the fact is you can’t control whether or not your contracts officer submits their paperwork on time. You can set conditions for success, but after that it’s out of your hands.
2. Empathy and then more empathy
Young kids have a strong mix of emotions and are still developing their logic. They often get upset about things that adults consider very small. Sometimes we have the urge to minimize these concerns and move past their feelings without acknowledging them. What is more productive and conducive to a strong relationship is empathizing with their point of view and how they feel, even if we disagree.
Empathy is also essential in leading teams. You inevitably will have conflicts, and you may strongly disagree with the other person. You don’t have to agree, just hear them out. Sometimes all people need is to be heard and feel understood.
3. Conflict doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing anything wrong
Telling my kids it’s time for bed often results in wailing and gnashing of teeth. It doesn’t mean they still don’t need to go to sleep or that I’ve done anything wrong. Sometimes you just need to, as Taylor Swift says, “Shake it off.”
The same is true for leading your team at work. Just because you are getting push back back on a decision you’ve made doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong.
4. Make it Fun
When I ask my kids to clean up their toys, if I make it fun I get better results. “Let’s race to see who can put the most toys away or let’s have a dance party first,” gets more cooperation than “put your toys away right now.”
Anything you can do at work to help make an unpleasant task (for example mandatory training) more fun (ie. Jokes, prizes, games) the easier it goes.
5. Change Is Constant
Just when I think I have it all figured out, my kids reach a new developmental milestone, and I have to make adjustments to how I lead and communicate with them. Lately my one year has taken to a finger wag while chanting “No, no no, no, no.” Staying agile and expecting the unexpected has helped me navigate the constant changing.
When it comes to leading teams at work accepting that the only thing that is constant is change helps immensely when it comes to adjusting to whatever new challenge gets thrown your way.
